Let's Start by Saying...

Alright, so I love my kids, I do. I might even like them sometimes... when they are listening. I would be lying however, if I said I am not insanely jealous of my friends that don't have kids and have the time to sit down and read a book without interruption, or work on a quilt (for my friend Brooke's gorgeous stuff - go here), or do some home renovation, or painting, or hell, read a book, go for a walk, or go to a movie...

When I had Ethan, I knew what I was giving up, and I don't regret the choices that I made regarding the kids. Sometimes though, I look out the window, or watch TV or a movie, or hear a song that makes me wonder what would've been had I never moved to Texas (speaking of, JoDee Messina's "Heads Carolina, Tails California" just came on at the coffee shop).

I really think things will be better when Xavier is old enough to head to preschool for a couple hours a few days a week... I think I'm just suffering from too much mommy and me time... I think I need some time by myself and perhaps some friends to hang out with... so the cartoon to the left doesn't happen...

Thought of the Day: Job Search

Anyone who thinks that being "just a mom" isn't a job is nuts. I know that someone calculated how much a 24hour, 365 days a year position is worth... can't seem to find the article though. After being out of the work force for almost a year now, I have some interesting things that I have observed:

No one listens: whether it be the kids, the spouse, or the person down the street. All of a sudden (no matter how many non-fiction books you check out and chug down so that your brain stays hydrated...) your opinion, thoughts, views don't seem to count - because "you're just a mom". Hmmmm. All of the prior schooling, the genius IQ, none of it seems to matter, because whether you have chosen to be out of the workforce, or were forced from the workforce - for whatever reason, your career, and your life - are "mommy-tracked"

You LIKE cleaning: Yes, I do like having things clean. I like order and neatness. I like things put away. HOWEVER. That doesn't mean that I like to do it all MYSELF!!!!

10:00pm - "Why are you tired? You've been home all day...": REALLY? SERIOUSLY? Just because I've been home all day (and usually not...) doesn't mean I haven't been chasing down two kids and trying to keep them from killing themselves! It doesn't mean that the two year old put himself down for a nap, or actually followed directions for once. It certainly doesn't mean that the eight year old didn't ask a million inane questions that day... It doesn't mean that we didn't go to Target, the grocery store, the Children's Museum, the Library, and for a walk....

I like being home with them, really I do. But I like having a job and socializing with other adults too. I miss being able to "get dressed for work"... I like my jeans and Danskos, but I miss my pencil skirts and Ann Taylor dresses and my cute little Steve Madden heels. I also miss the independence of having my own paycheck, and feeling like I'm contributing something other than to the children's vocabulary and imaginations.....

So far, after a ton of resumes sent out (I've lost count), and only a few interviews... looks like I'm off to apply at the local coffee shop. If for nothing else than to meet some grown ups and perhaps arrange some play groups....